God tugged at my heart this morning and scheduled an appointment so here I am – writing – pouring my heart out to Him – and you. I basically cried out to Him and He answered, “Talk to Me.” So now I’m conversing with God and asking Him questions that only He can answer. Here goes . . .
I’m sitting smack dab in the middle of my life – reflecting on my past; pondering my future. I’m wondering if I’m where I’m supposed to be. Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Am I depressed? Am I happy? Well, I’m happy to try to do what I’m called to do, but at times I feel like I’m floating backwards and going nowhere which depresses me. On occasion I get knocked down or held back by those who don’t understand me or misunderstand my actions or words. Maybe they don’t truly know me or maybe I have a poor way of conveying things. Could be me. Could be them. Sometimes I get knocked down by my own self-doubt that creeps in. Bottom line: I can’t please everyone, but I can strive to please God and let everything else fall where it may and have peace with it.
Most of the time, I’m ready to charge forward with my dreams. Other times I see all the hurt and hate in this world and I’m ready for my journey here on Earth to simply end so I can live forevermore in Heaven. And no, I’m not talking about suicide. I contemplated that in 1982 and by that small whisper of the Holy Spirit within me, I never went through with it. So I’m still here – on purpose! But when will He finally call me home? I long for home! Is my time short? I don’t know. All I know is there’s still time because I’m still here. This is the moment I’m reminded that He’s called me to action in this life, which begs the question of my passion. Writing! And with that passion comes the inspiring, encouraging, lifting up, supporting others and spreading the Good News. No matter what else I do in life I always come full circle back to simply writing. It doesn’t matter what my day-job is or whether or not I’m fulfilled there. It doesn’t stop me from writing and moving forward with passion and purpose. The stumbles and falls along the way may slow me down, but they can’t stop me. God will get me to where He meant for me to be – eventually! I just have to keep swimming.
So, if you ever contemplate your purpose I suggest you make an appointment with God. He’ll show up. You can pour your heart out and let Him guide you from there. If you keep trying to do it on your own you will continue to be swept away with the tide and deplete your strength to swim. Think about it - how does one really swim? Raise your arms above your head, grab the water and pull yourself along while moving your legs. Therefore, raise your hands, pull yourself up and move your legs! Start swimming – with a purpose – forget about the sharks – and God will uphold you!
If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumbles, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand. Psalm 37:23-24
Have a blessed day!